May 1, 2006

Frizza

Well, that's what you call a pizza, when it comes for free - a Frizza (Free pizza) !. For us however the word fits more cleverly as our weekend luncheon on a more or less regular basis. Hold it dont start clicking for your dictionaries. Oxford is still to give recognition to this word, but only after they recieve a letter of requisition for the same. Any volunteers for that? - do contact me (shouldn't be hard !).

The etymology of this word can be easily understood in the context of Pizzas, because the only thing you can get for free in this world and that too delivered at your door steps is a Pizza(* conditions apply). Thanks to those MNC's and their global objective capitalistic philosophies prevailing in the world today which enunciates - 'Customer is our God'. And damn sure I am, that after a frizza you'll certainly 'feel like a god'.

So, we have devised an almost unfailing and pragmatic plan (the average succes rate stands somewhere at 3 out of 5 times) for anyone to obtain a free pizza, but you will have to read this whole post till the end to get to that. No no, don't start scrolling coz its not even at the end. Because you must always remember - There are no free lunches in this world ;).

Frizza as I would put it in the marketing language, is more of a corporate retaliation of Do-mi-noes against the Freshizzaa of Pizza Hut (Dominoes does not like to promote the same for unknown reasons even I dont know). But somehow I have a definite penchant for the former and an equally strong dislike for the latter. There are blatant differences between the two. We know it all. But what most of us will not know is how to get one i.e. a frizza. Most certainly any voracious pizza eater would some or the other time have had a pizza feast when the delivery man gets late and by the company policy of '30 minutes or free' s/he would be more than happy for not paying for it.

But how about gettting the same at the success rate of 3 out of 5 times. Sounds, interesting, isn't it. So here are some tips -

1.) Always order a pizza at the peak hour. Peak hours include the rush traffic hours when ppl retrun from their offices in the evening.

2.) If you never read the weather section of your newspaper, take up the habit of reading it today itself. Because if your city is going to witness an unwelcome rain or a storm in the evening, you got to make the best of it by ordering a pizza after the sunset.

3.) On weekends, for the lazybones and breakfast skippers like me who would not like to step out of their home or even their room, their lunch orders suddenly start to weigh heavily on nearest pizza shop. So for an afternoon frizza meal, check if your clock shows post 1230 hours, its the best time to order the pizza.

4.) Always start your stop watch the second you put down your phone after ordering your frizza. For a frizza you ought to be on your toes. Counting each second that passes, ready to show the delivery boy his ineptness of missing that 30 minute deadline by a 'second'.

5.) Most of the pizza shops keep a database of number, addresses and the associated person and the name of delivery boy who last delivered a pizza there. So always try to place your order with different numbers of your friends in turn to order a pizza.

6.) In continuation to the above tip, keep atleast 3-4 different formats of your home address handy. For e.g. an address of the sort - Flat No. -1 , ABC Apt, XYZ Street can be provided as

a) 1st Floor, 1st Flat, ABC Apt on XYZ Street.
b) ABC Apt, Near (some landmark) , Flat No-1, XYZ Street.
c) Flat No-1 , ABC Apt, Near (some landmark) , PIN-xxxxxx.

This would ensure that it takes some time for them to figure out that its the same location where they have already shipped the pizza.

7.) And last but not the least - Ingrain yourself of the fact that a free pizza is your birth right. So dont feel shy or ashamed while demanding a free pizza when your delivery runs out of time even by a margin of a second. Because unless you contain that obduracy and shamelessness to do that, you dont really deserve to eat a frizza.

Ok, I guess those should be enough, unless you have your customized versions in addition to all the above tips which you can add on to the list as your comments. I just recalled a (poor) joke in context to my frizza delivery shop - Dominoes, which goes something like this -
What is the opposite of Domi-noes?
-Domi-does-not-know.(select the white part with mouse if you give up)

And it rightly goes along in here, because Dominoes really does not know that there are people like us who will not forgo a single chance to keep the Dominoes profit short of their share.

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