January 24, 2006

Of Passion,Obsession & Obligation

It was during my spare office time which as a matter of coincidence can be aliased as my office hours, that I thought of putting those free flowing hours to use, and at least give a name to those passing moments to which I might look back at some point in time and be happy about them thinking that - not all of it was waste !

Certainly a much needed passion that was missing, kept building itself insidiously all the time while I read others' blog, which were amusing, conptemplative and exemplary, and finally pushed me into the world of blogging, acting as the primary force . And most of the time after that kickoff , I managed to write, I managed to steal thoughts, words and ideas, from any and all sources I could possibly devour. Having passion for something is I guess the most healthiest way to reach successfully towards that objective and in my case it has proved its worth.

But we all know how easily can one's passion take a grandeur transformation and turn into an obsession. And then it can become one of the most unhealthy preoccupations that can be attributed for an objective thereby making it completely obsolete. Obsession can be killing, and it is one's most fearful enemy which appears disguised in the form of a most solemnest friend called passion. Thankfully, I am still far off from letting that happen to me. Though occasionally I do feel that painless guilt of not being a regular, when it comes to my postings, but then it reminds me of never being a regular all my life on any subject. What a consolation, huh !!

And so it comes next in the order after Passion and Obsession - Obligation, yes that's what takes the place in the end. Looks odd ? Indeed its odd, in a narrower sense though, because its passion and obsession which seem to be pertinent here. But in a bigger picture that's what comes off - a disgusted feeling of obligation, a sense of liability. And I have already got a venal touch of it, which at times resists me from taking the pain of writing, arguing on its demanding and consuming nature. It overshadows the element of passion and obsession, and mirrors them not as the motives but rather as inhibitors. If I would cast obsession as a monster then Obligation is no less than a devil in itself.
( Frankly speaking I don't know which of the two - a monster or a devil - is above the other one in heirarchy, but personally I think its the devil ;) )

Unlike those who write in a streaming, impromptu fashion and yet sustain to deliver an interesting composition every time, it takes a helluva time for me to even write a single paragraph which can tie down someone to read it completely. It takes some tens(definitely not hundreds) of revision, proof readings, corrections and a little bit of censorship, as and when required, before I finally let anything go on the net. None of my lines are ever written on their first attempt, they are bound to revisit me for that finishing touch which usually makes the whole exercise tiresome and at times obligatory.

I think I need to give a try on writing at least one blog without doing the quality assurance check and which is completely devoid of any passion, obsession or obligation and then measure its worthiness on the account of, it being read by others let alone getting any appreciation. However, I am pretty much sure that even if I do write anything of that sort, I would dare not publish it.